Blinded
by badshitfromwheniwas14
Summary: I was no longer trying to get through one day, I was focussing on making it through the hour." - Edward, New Moon. What if Edward returned to Bella before she jumped off the cliff? What if it had become all too much? Would she take him back?
1. Chapter 1

**Blinded**

Who had I been kidding? I wasn't able to stay away from Bella. I'd failed miserably when she was minutes away from me, sleeping in her bedroom right here in Forks. Of course I would be unable to stay away from her when she was so many miles away from me. My heart no longer belonged to me; a piece of me was missing. I'd left it with Bella that day in the woods. My chest ached as I thought of Bella and the mess that I had created in leaving her. We were two parts of a whole that I had broken apart in a vain attempt to reassure myself that it was all for the best. I'd told her that it would be a clean break and mentally reassured myself that it would be for the best.

It'd had been so hard that day, not to run back to her and tell her that I'd lied and created the blackest and most blasphemous story, but I deluded myself with the thoughts that it would be better for her in the long run and that Bella's well being was all that mattered. I had told myself I was done being selfish, that I had no claim to her and that safe human boys like Mike Newton would be the best alternative. Yes it had been hard to make the initial break, but now felt so much worse, like I was constantly pouring salt on a wound that was trying to heal with the bone still protruding through my skin.

The ache that was constantly in my chest was a never ceasing reminder of what I had done. I'd since given up on making it through a single week or day without Bella, but rather focussed on getting through each hour. This last hour had been the worst; I'd walked by a woman whose thoughts had identified her as a Bella. She was worried about her father, who she was on her way to visit in hospital. This innocent woman who was unlucky enough to share the same name as my beloved had forced me to choose. To choose between this self-imposed exile from everyone I knew and cared about and the chance to simply see Bella again.

Before I had consciously decided to return to see her, to check that she wasn't as messed up as I was, my feet had been carrying me across the boundary lines that separated the US from South America. I was running faster than I ever had before, my entire being rejoicing at the prospect of seeing Bella again. I had known that it would only be a matter of time before I gave in, just to check on her and see that she was not destroyed as I was. But I had also known that if I were to find her happy then I would never allow myself to return. I would've endured the rest of my existence in painful solitude knowing that Bella was living a life that made her happy. A life that was safe for her. But it was too late now, I could not stop myself, even if I had wanted to, my chest soared, elated at the thought of seeing her deep brown eyes and the flush of blood that constantly haunted her cheeks. My body moved at a velocity I did not know I was capable of; I was like a magnet being drawn back to my pole. I knew it would be several hours before Alice caught up with me, my spontaneous decision to see Bella unseen by Alice's visions.

I did not know how long I'd been running when I recognised the grey shroud that always hung over the Olympic Peninsula. The return to such a familiar environment only crushed any will to turn around. I knew Bella was in this rain; the same clouds were over her. I could almost smell her in the raindrops as they pelted to my skin. And I felt happy. Not as happy as I knew I could feel in Bella's presence but happier than I had felt in months. I practically danced through the forests surrounding Forks as I drew closer to her. I was an unstoppable force of nature; nothing would prevent me from returning to Bella. I slowed until I was outside her house, her scent still so enticing even from this distance. Charlie's police cruiser was not parked out the front, and I knew it would be so easy to walk inside and pull her into my arms, but I could not allow myself such an indulgence. I was checking up on her, ensuring myself that she was not harmed, that she had in fact moved on as I'd intended for her to. My palms would've sweated if they'd been able to. Unease and butterflies began to dig away at my stomach. What if she had moved on? What if I was nothing more than a high school boyfriend to her? What if she didn't think of me anymore? I knew such thoughts were no good for my newfound resolved, but not knowing was worse. I climbed the tree outside her bedroom to stare though her open window.

I didn't need to be able to read Bella's mind to know what was going on inside what she thought was the solitude of her own mind. I heard sniffing and sobbing as Bella lay on her bed, her arms coiled around her torso.

"Edward," she choked.

Pain lashed at me as her sobs cut wounds through my chest. Her muffled cries of pain sent me over the edge and I growled at myself for causing her such heartache. She had not moved on as I'd intended but was instead further detached than ever before. I couldn't stand it, I needed to hold her close and soothe her. Her pain was my pain and as much as the small part of my logic told me to stay away, I silenced it, and lowered myself from the tree.

"Bella," I whispered to myself and ran to the front door. Slowly I raised my hand to the wood and tapped three times. Estimating that it would take Bella two minutes to calm herself enough to answer the door I too mentally prepared myself for any pain she may send my way. She was hurting and I no longer had her. I no longer knew that she loved me. Unease washed through me again and I realised how much this could set me back. But knowing this, I could not bring myself to run away. I couldn't make myself leave her doorstep. Her footsteps padded softly across the floorboards of her living room and her hand was on the handle. I heard her breathe and then turn the handle, allowing me access to her life once more.

"Bella," I breathed once more. Her bloodshot eyes widened and shock flittered across her face. Nothing could've prepared me for what happened next. Her wide eyes rolled back into her head and I only just caught her before her head hit the ground.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed or put the story on alert, i'm really very grateful. Hope you enjoy the update and let me know if there's anything wrong with it, I'm always glad for a little constructive criticism.**

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It was not the way I had envisioned our reunion, it had Bella's body in my arms yes, but not this way. My spontaneous decision to let her back into my life had stunned her so that she had fainted. Her frail body felt warm in my arms and I allowed myself to trace the shape of her face, my fingers lingering on her lips. I carried her back up to her room and let her scent wash back over me. Venom pooled in my mouth, but I swallowed it and set Bella down on her bed. Scarcely leaving her for a second, I returned with a cool glass of water and found that she was already regaining consciousness. Her eyes fluttered open and I sat myself down in her rocking chair as she flung herself up into a sitting position.

"Edward," she murmured. "I'm dreaming right?"

I smiled softly at her, allowing myself to take her in. "Of course I must haunt your nightmares, but I assure you, you are very much awake."

A perplexed look claimed her face and I wandered slowly over to the bed. Gently, I sat myself down beside her, longing for her touch once more. Bella stared at me warily and shuffled away ever so slightly from me. I felt my heart plummet as I realised that I'd hurt her too much.

"Sorry, it's just that I can't let this get too far. It'll hurt too much when I wake up," she whispered. Almost as if it was an instinctive reaction, Bella wrapped her arms around her torso again.

"Bella you're not dreaming. I'm here. I'm sorry. I missed you."

"This can't be happening. You left," she whispered hopefully. I could see in her eyes that she wanted to believe me. Tears threatened to poor over and her breathing became haggard. Ignoring the distance she wished to put between us I pulled her into my arms. Her head buried itself my chest and I soothed her as she sobbed. "This is gonna cost me, " she choked.

I was perplexed, "What do you mean?"

She sniffed, "When you left, it hurt so much. The pain was so unbearable I chose to stifle it. If I let you in, let whatever this is to get too close to me, when you leave again I don't think I'll survive."

"Bella I'm not going anywhere. Never again. I can't. Never mind if I should, you're a part of me and I can't live without you," I said softly. She needed to know how much I needed her. I loved her so desperately that it would tear me apart if _she _decided that she no longer wanted me.

She still looked confused and opened her mouth several times to speak before staring dumbfounded at me.

"Bella, I can't hear your thoughts, I need you to speak," it wasn't just knowledge I thirsted for, the sound of her voice would always be like a lullaby to me, soothing and melodic.

"I don't know how you can be real. Why now? Why today? Why at all?"

"Bella, it got to be too much. I couldn't function without you, I was empty. You've blinded me and without you I can't see."

"How can I be really sure you're not a dream? You've been imprinted in my mind for so long, how can I know that my mind isn't being strangely realistic right now?"

"Bella, could a dream do this?" I pulled her face close to mine, and kissed her cheeks and forehead allowing her scent to consume me. I felt her shudder under my touch and I smiled down at her. She closed her eyes and a chuckle escaped her lips.

"Of course a dream could do that. But I doubt my imagination would've." Her brown eyes bored deep into mine and I felt for sure she could see the truth finally. "Edward, why? Why did you leave?"

Satisfied that she was convinced for now that she wasn't dreaming, I answered, "Because I thought it would be the best thing for you. I'm wrong for you Bella, my lifestyle is too dangerous; I'm a danger to your existence."

"I trust you," she said firmly.

"But I didn't trust myself. What happened on your birthday, my own brother, although he regrets it deeply and blames himself for this whole mess, let his instincts take over. What would happen if there had been more blood? Would I have been able to stop myself? Would the others? I couldn't let myself endanger you. I love you too much. So I sacrificed my claim on you. I just never expected it to be as easy as it was."

"Edward, you can't blame yourself and neither can Jasper for what happened. It could've happened to anyone. If it had been Charlie would you have left?"

I paused for a second and thought deeply before saying, "No."

We sat in silence for a while before she lay back down, her head coming to rest on my chest once more. I breathed deeply and allowed myself to get lost in her. Her scent, the warmth of her skin, her pulse. I allowed Bella to consume me. I felt her breathe as she went to speak again, "You said you never expected leaving to be as easy as it was. What did you mean?"

"Bella, do you remember what I'd told you just days before?" The memory of her lying on the couch as we watched Romeo and Juliet on the couch was crystal clear in my mind.

"Yes. I remember everything."

"Do you remember how I told you about the Volturi?"

"Yes," she whispered.

"Do you remember how I said I would go to them if something ever happened to you? I would seek to end my life in a world without you? I can't live without you. If you're absent I cease to function, if you're dead or hurt I cease to exist. You complete me."

"That still doesn't answer my question. What does that have to do with you leaving?"

"Bella," her name rolled easily off my tongue and hung in the air before I spoke again, "I'd told you only days earlier that I did not intend to live without you, that you were my life and the reason for my existence. I love you so much so that I thought you would never doubt my conviction. Then to lie to you days later and say that I no longer loved you. I thought it would take hours for you to even start to believe that I might be telling the truth. But you stared at me, and believed me seconds after the lie had tumbled from my mouth. I wanted to tell you right then and there that I was lying and that I never wanted to leave you, but in my mind your safety presented itself as the greater need."

My explanation left her a little breathless and she mumbled, "I was never good enough for you anyway. It never made sense for you to love me, I was the outrageously lucky winner in a raffle that had a limited time stamp on it. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, and I'm just Bella."

Anger flashed through me. How could she not see how wonderful she was? It seemed that every male in town was lusting after Bella, and I couldn't blame them. Then I saw how broken she was. Her body was thinner, her hair limp and far too long for my liking. She was still beautiful though, the smile of hers threatened to break through and send the lust filled monster in me over the edge. Simply, I said, "You don't see yourself clearly at all do you? Bella the flush that lives in your cheeks, the completely unique shape and colour of your eyes, your scent, everything that you overlook is so much more than average. You are the most beautiful thing in my world."

She scoffed, " Right, that I believe. I hold a candle next to the flame that is Rosalie? Sure Edward."

Her sarcasm cut deep and I wanted nothing than to put on the highest of pedestals for all the world to see. I wanted her to know how amazingly wonderful she really was. I grew frustrated, "Bella, why will you believe the lie? Why can't you see that I'm telling you the truth?" I was pleading now. "Have I hurt you too much? If I have I understand, I'll leave - "

"NO!" she cried, clutching her fingers to the collar of my shirt. "I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid to let you back in not because I care less for you, but because I care so much that if I let you back into my heart then when you leave I'll never recover. I'm afraid that if this isn't real, that if my mind really has lost itself than I'm not going to be able to pick up the pieces." She paused briefly collecting her silent thoughts, "For now though, this seems real though; I just can feel my heart, or the place where my heart used to be threatening to rip a hole back in my chest and I just can't let it. I need to be sure."

"Sure of what?"

"That I'm well and truly awake. That you're not some amazing figment of my imagination, that's going to disappear when the clock strikes midnight."

"Bella, I thought we were past this."

"We are. But I know that if you were to leave again in some way or another that it would destroy me."

I cursed inwardly at myself. I had destroyed her in ways I never knew. I thought I'd been protecting her and here she was living like a shell of a person. She too couldn't function without her other half, but she no longer believed I loved her.

"I love you," I said simply. "I love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone, but if I've hurt you too much, if you've moved on, it's okay. Your happiness means more to me than my own."

"Edward, I can't be happy without you."

Elation washed through me, and I knew I was so close to seeing her true feelings.

"Is that all? Is your happiness the only thing dependent on my presence?"

She smiled and the familiar blush coloured her cheeks, "Edward, I can't live without you either."

"Is that all?" I prompted once more desperate for answers . I was close, so close to knowing her feelings. I needed to hear her say it. Our faces were so close by now, noses grazing each other, I could feel her breath on my face and her hair tickling my cheeks.

"I will never stop loving you," she whispered.

My heart soared and I smiled so hard I thought surely my cheeks would tear. I took her cheek in my hand and caressed it with my fingers, she was so delicate, and she still loved me. She still loved the monster that had left her to rot and lied to her time after time. I was essentially the luckiest man alive. Pausing, to see if she would again allow me access, I lowered my face to hers and kissed her.

It was easily the best kiss of my life, the touch of her lips still sent the feeling of excitement through my veins. Her touch was exhilarating but this caused me new levels of pleasure I couldn't comprehend. Her face fit in my hands, her mouth on mine, she was the most wonderful thing in the world, and I didn't think anything could've ruined the moment.

Except for the thing that did. I jerked my lips away from hers and saw her sigh in content, she looked blissful and the only thing that could've torn my eyes away from her was the arrival of a new danger.

Werewolf.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: I'm sorry about how late this update is, I've had a really busy week and I'm apologising in advance if it seems stilted or awkward to read because that's how it was to write. I have the next chapter planned out and I hope to have it up soon. Thanks so much! **

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"What's wrong?" panic plagued her voice and I knew we had only seconds to make an escape.

"Danger. I have to get you somewhere safe." I saw her eyes become wide with horror and I scooped her up onto my back.

"What kind of danger?" her voice was uneven. "Is it Victoria?"

That stopped me in my tracks. "Victoria? What do you mean?"

"She came back for me," Bella stated simply.

I growled at my inability to protect her and at the sheer horror of a vampire preying on Bella, but I answered as calmly as I could, "No. This is a far less reasonable danger."

"Like what?" she was annoyed with me keeping things from her and I had only so briefly won her back.

"Wolves. Werewolves to be more precise. One of them is coming here now. I can smell him."

Then Bella laughed, "Edward it's okay."

It wasn't okay, not by my standards, there was a volatile and unruly creature coming for her and she was laughing about it? "Bella, it most certainly is not _okay_."

"Edward, it's just my friend Jacob. You know, Jacob Black? From the rez?"

"You know who it is?" I was bewildered. Of course Jacob Black had become a wolf like the others; I couldn't believe how long I had let the answer escape me.

"Yes. He was actually the first real friend to acknowledge that I wasn't really a crazy person after you – after my birthday. He treats me like there's nothing anything wrong. He's not dangerous."

"Bella, he's a wolf, he's my enemy. He's coming here for you. I can hear him now. He's unruly, completely unpredictable."

"He's also my friend," I felt her arms tighten around my neck and I set her back on the ground. Her jaw was firmly set and I couldn't bring myself to argue with her. Somewhere in the months of my absence I had lost a part of her. No matter how much I hated to think it, part of her belonged to this Jacob now. I could see it in her eyes. No doubt, had I managed to stay away then she would've spent the rest of her life with Jacob Black.

"Fine. But don't think for a second that I'm leaving you alone with that monster." My heart lurched at the idea of leaving her alone for even a few minutes while she explained to her 'friend' that she was unavailable tonight.

We walked back to her house in silence but the faint brushes of her fingertips against my hand reassured me that she was so desperate to know that I was corporeal and not just a figment of her imagination that I couldn't be mad. I could never be mad at her. We managed to arrive back before the wolf but only just. The second we had shut the door, there was Jacob Black knocking it nearly to the ground.

I stood only centimetres behind Bella as she opened the door enthusiastically. "Jake! You'll never guess what!"

He turned his head to look beyond Bella and his eyes locked onto mine, _Bastard_. "I think I can. Come on, we've gotta get outta here."

"Don't be silly Jake, I'm not going anywhere," Bella giggled. I'd never seen her so happy.

"So you'd rather stay here with this leech?" Jacob was harsh and I saw Bella flinch.

I stiffened as I realised that Jacob Black knew everything. Bella had divulged her deepest darkest feelings and secrets to this boy. _Yeah, she told me everything. Like how you left her in a forest alone, broke her heart. _

"Jake… you don't understand," Bella was quiet.

"Bells, I just want you to be safe. He damn near destroyed you last time," And he was spot on. I had destroyed her. I was a leech. I sucked the goodness out of everything. Jacob was looking at Bella with an emotion that could only be described as love and I felt as if I had walked in on something very private. _I love her, and there's nothing you can do about it bloodsucker. And she loves me too. _

Heartache lurched through me and I began to think that Bella had moved on. The werewolf. From the vampire to the wolf. What kind of sick world did we live in where one could find happiness with mythical, monstrous creatures? Jacob glared at me hatred seething through every pore of his skin.

"Jake I am safe. I'm always safe with Edward," Bella said coolly.

"No you're not. You're safer with me, with the pack. _We _wouldn't ever hurt you," The accusation was not lost on me. And then, it seemed that all civility was soon lost. Black glared at me and the sensation was not pleasant. His thoughts interrupted my own, and soon I felt my heart plummet. I could see in his mind Bella lying in a cold wet field after I had left her. She looked so alone and empty, and I realised that this was far worse than any physical pain she may have been at risk from around me. She looked lifeless and a growl escaped my lips.

"It's not like that. I can't tell him to leave. He's my livelihood. Jake I can't," her voice was desperate and I could see the conflict raging between her.

Not wanting to see her in pain anymore, I took a step back and attempted to excuse myself before Bella's hand clutched my arm.

"It's okay, I was just going anyway. I can see I'm intruding. See ya round Bella," Jacob was abrupt. Dismissive. I saw Bella's figure crumple and she waved faintly to the retreating boy. His thoughts were just as unkind._You're an asshole. Too terrified to make her choose. Why couldn't you just stay away? _

"I'm sorry," it was all I could think to say.

"It's not your fault."

But I knew it was. I was overcome with self-hatred. I knew that if I hadn't left than this Jacob Black would not have become the big presence it had in her life. I knew that I could've protected her from the wolves, told her to be wary, but I had failed. Now, I had made her push away a reason for her happiness. I was truly a monster. Either way I lost. Either way I failed. I hated myself.

"I really should go," I never intended to leave her for too long, but I needed to escape right now. Needed to let my instincts take over. The wolf had angered me so much so that I needed to hunt.

"No. You can't. I only just got you back!" she cried. Desperation plagued her and I could sense the worry that she was feeling.

"Bella I'm not going far. I need to hunt," the second I had vocally acknowledged it, the thirst burned in my throat, venom pooling once more in my mouth.

"Okay. Come back please. For dinner. For Charlie," she whispered in a small voice. I nodded quickly and pressed a small kiss to her forehead.

"I love you, never forget that," I whispered, before disappearing into the night.


End file.
